Hoisting my handbag onto my shoulder, with one hand I fumbled for my keys as I pushed open the glass door. A cool wind blasted my face, stinging my eyes and causing them to tear. It was chillier than I'd expected. I shivered and pulled my lab coat tighter around me while waiting for a cab blocking the driveway to unload it's passengers.
Usually when I work evenings, I walk the two blocks to the garage after work with a friend or colleague, or I take the courtesy shuttle provided by the hospital for employees and guests. Tonight, the shuttle wasn't parked in it's usual spot.
Briefly, I contemplated calling another satellite to see if anyone else was walking to the same garage, but decided against it. Tonight I wasn't in the mood to socialize; there were too many thoughts in my head that needed to be sorted.
Among other things, only the day before, I'd learned of the unexpected, tragic passing of a good friend from pharmacy school. Sumer was 1/2 white, 1/2 Syrian, and wholly beautiful inside out. She was one of the most compassionate people I knew, with a strong sense of social justice; she advocated for and devoted time and energy to so many causes she was passionate about. But what I remember most about her was her crazy sense of humor... how she'd tease me about a particular someone in our graduating class. This girl used to crack me up, and now she was gone. One of the worst things about her death is that it was so unexpected. She wasn't sick and didn't have any kind of disorder that anyone knew of. Even the medical examiners have had difficulty determining the cause of death. Perfectly healthy 29 year olds with so much to live for don't just up and die.
I'd attended her wedding and last spoke to her around the time of her baby shower four months ago. She had recently given birth to a beautiful baby girl who was the pride and joy of her life. Just thinking about her daughter and husband caused my heart to break a little more.. I can't imagine how difficult this is for her family.
It's funny we love people like they're ours to love, but everything and everyone is from Allah swt. He gives us life, and our lives are His to take as He pleases.. subhanallah I accept that wholeheartedly but I miss her. And all the other people I've loved who touched my life in some way and then passed on.
I took a deep breath and exhaled forcefully, releasing pent up emotions churning inside of me. The florescent neon lights that come on in the city after dark became distorted as my vision blurred.
It's so sad how life intervenes and we lose touch with people we care about... only to regret not making more of an effort to keep in touch after its too late.
As I was lost in thought, a raindrop fell onto my cheek. Thinking it was a tear, I didn't bother brushing it away. Seconds later, a second raindrop fell. Looking up at the dark, cloudy night sky, I realized it was about to rain.
How fitting, even the heavens were mourning tonight.
Instead of walking faster to avoid the downpour, I slowed my pace, closed my eyes, and lifted my face to the heavens.
As if commiserating, they slowly opened as I walked the remaining block to the garage.
